Chevron CEO Sure In Good Mood This Week

HOUSTON—Calling the executive’s demeanor “unnervingly jovial,” company sources confirmed Tuesday that Chevron CEO Mike Wirth sure was in a good mood this week. “Man, normally that guy is a first-rate asshole, so something must be up,” said an anonymous employee, who noted that the typically stone-faced executive had pulled into his reserved parking spot that morning singing along to “Uptown Girl” with the windows down. “At first I thought he must have hit an endangered bird with his Mercedes again, but no, this is something bigger. I heard him whistling as he walked to his office, and he even called it ‘a beautiful day out there.’ That’s crazy. He’s always said he hates out there.” Sources added that they hadn’t seen Wirth with such a big grin on his face since he had gotten that journalist imprisoned.