The Department of Homeland Security has been carrying out “Operation Midway Blitz” since early September. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind the Chicago immigration raids.
$50,000:
Sufficient incentive to treat fellow human beings this way
260:
Agents with Celtic knot tattoos
8:
Pitch sessions before they finally landed on “Operation Midway Blitz”
1,759:
Yards of zip ties used on tamale vendors
6:
Agents it takes to handcuff an unarmed journalist who’s already on the ground
$1,500:
Bonus for every pregnant woman detained
16:
Mexican supervillains stopped from blowing up city at very last second
?:
Number of people disappeared
3,874:
Hours of footage to be reviewed at The Hague
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