Dana White Can’t Believe Rabbits Still Getting Beneath Octagon Fence

LAS VEGAS—Shaking his head in frustration after staff pulled yet another wriggling cottontail from the canvas mat, UFC president Dana White expressed disbelief Friday that rabbits were still somehow managing to get beneath the Octagon fence. “We’ve tried everything—chicken wire, garlic spray, motion-triggered sprinklers—but the little bastards just keep scratching their way under there,” said White, gesturing to a UFC official attempting to lure out a pair of bunnies with a celery stick just moments before the start of a welterweight bout. “Every time we think we’ve sealed up all the gaps, nope—there’s another goddamn rabbit chewing on a cutman’s rag, or a pile of rabbit turds under [Kamaru] Usman’s stool. They’re cute, but man, they’re distracting. And they reproduce like crazy.” At press time, White was reportedly on the phone with a pest control company to see if they could “come out and spray some chemicals or put up an electric dog fence or something.”