Grandma’s Hospice Has Shitty Wi-Fi

LAKELAND, FL—Frustrated by the care center’s lack of an adequate signal, Caleb Morris, grandson of local woman Judith Scalzo, complained Tuesday that Sun Haven Hospice had shitty Wi-Fi. “Fuck, Grandma, I can’t even get YouTube videos to load in this goddamn place,” said Morris, admonishing his terminally ill and barely lucid grandmother for choosing to live out the final days of her life in a facility with such a janky connection. “Seriously, how do you expect me to level up in Fortnite when there’s so much lag? And I can’t even use my phone as a hotspot, because it’s down to 15% and you’re hogging all the outlets with your ventilator. This is bullshit. You never should have moved in here.” At press time, Morris expressed hope for an improved Wi-Fi situation the next time he visited his grandmother, saying he had just heard from his parents that she had gone to a better place.