TikTok creator Emma (@mainelyemma) went viral after opening up about the invisible weight of long-term singleness. In her emotional video, Emma explained that being “chronically single” is less about not having a partner, and more about having no one who consistently shows up for you in the small, everyday ways couples take for granted.
Featured Video“I am no one’s person… I am no one’s first choice,” she explained. “There is no one on this planet that exists, that is that for me, or that I am that for them.”
Emma expressed how couples seem to be unable to grasp just how disorienting, terrifying, and exhausting it can be to rawdog life on your own, in a society that’s made for couples. Although single people often have the love of friends, family, and communities, they’re “also carrying all of the weight all of the time.”
Advertisement“There are no days off. There’s no one waiting in the wings to lend a hand or pick up the slack.”
“Just because they handle it well doesn’t mean they’re not handling a lot (and handling almost all of it alone),” Emma wrote.
The video racked up over a million views and resonated with single TikTok users who feel misunderstood by their couple friends. Commenters echoed that being single can feel like an endless slog of aloneness to be endured. Access to the comfort and support of coupled bliss can make it hard for people in relationships to relate to single friends.
“I cannot STAND trying to explain my singleness to people who are in committed relationships. They just REFUSE to get it.”
AdvertisementEmma explained the concept of “not being anyone’s person.”
“One thing about long term, chronic singleness that I have a really hard time explaining to people is this concept of not being anyone’s person,” Emma said. The TikTok creator said married and coupled people don’t seem to get it, so she put it simply:
“I am no one’s person. I do not have a person. I am no one’s first choice. I am no one’s first call. I am not the person that someone texts first thing in the morning or last thing before they go to bed. I am no one’s, hey, I got home safe. Hey, I’m on my way. There is no one on this planet that exists that is that for me or that I am that for them.”
AdvertisementEmma suggested couples help their single friends lean on a bit of the stability that comes from a healthy, committed relationship.
“Invite them over for a beautifully mundane weeknight dinner, send them texts that remind them someone is thinking about them, bring them soup when they’re sick & offer to pick up their meds, celebrate their wins (even if they look different than yours) and support them through their losses too,” she wrote in the post’s caption.
@mainelyemmaas a chronically single lover girly, I have lots of thoughts (and feelings lol) but what I felt called to share tonight is this: the concept of not having a “person” don’t get me wrong, I have ~people~ (friends, family, community, etc) but I don’t have *my* person and that’s okay and I make do *and* it’s also shitty and hard af sometimes all of the above can be true, all at the same time so for all the people out there in coupled bliss: please don’t take it for granted AND please show the single people in your life some love. chances are they’re amazing, resourceful, resilient, self-sufficient people, but they’re also carrying all of the weight all of the time. there are no days off. there’s no one waiting in the wings to lend a hand or pick up the slack. invite them over for a beautifully mundane weeknight dinner, send them texts that remind them someone is thinking about them, bring them soup when they’re sick & offer to pick up their meds, celebrate their wins (even if they look different than yours) and support them through their losses too. just because they handle it well doesn’t mean they’re not handling a lot (and handling almost all of it alone) 🫶🏻 that’s all for tonight xoxo, Emma 💕
♬ original sound – that girl from Maine
“It’s a difficult feeling to feel” especially if you’re not feeling it
Single people in the comments felt seen and echoed how isolating it can be as a single person surrounded by couples who “don’t get it.”
Advertisement“This is SO REAL. I feel so seen.”
“The moment you said ‘I am no one’s person’ I teared up. It’s just a difficult feeling to feel.”
Advertisement“I wake up alone. I get ready alone. I go to school alone. I go to work and hang out with coworkers. I get home alone. I get unready alone. I go to bed alone. No one reaches out. I am no one’s priority.”
“People in long-term relationships don’t realize how many little gestures and moments of comfort they inherently have and overlook in their everyday life. Grand gestures are amazing, but it’s the little moments of comfort and consideration that I yearn for.”
AdvertisementEmma doesn’t know how long she’ll be single, but she said, “If I do get to meet my person, I don’t wanna meet them and realize that I had all this time that I just wasted, and I wasn’t really living life.”
“I try to wake up every day and I just try to get out there and make the best of this existence that I have.”
Single people are doing their best in a tough situation. A little support from their couple friends can go a long way.
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