In a story that proves it’s never too late to be yourself, 33-year-old Paige King finally developed her own personal style outside of current trends and it’s ugly as shit.
Yes, girl! That big, wool, wide-brim, vaguely Western hat is so you!
“It feels so good to finally be myself again,” Paige told reporters. “I spent so much of my late teens and twenties trying to wear what everyone else was wearing that I completely lost sight of what I like to wear.”
Based on the outfit she was wearing, reporters took that to mean “hospital scrubs, gladiator sandals, and Steelers quarter-zip.
“Some people go their whole lives just wearing whatever’s in style, never really developing their own taste,” Paige –– dressed in an oversized ‘Would rather be in Margaritaville’ shirt –– told reporters. “Not me. I finally figured out who I am and who I am is someone whose shirt always says something on it.”
Never be afraid to say something via the shirt you’re wearing!
When asked to describe her current style, Paige simply said, “I’m happy to say I’m back and more ‘in polyester’ than ever!”
Dare to be different! Different in an ugly way!
In spite of the fact that her friends and family have described Paige’s old style as “objectively better” and “less velour-heavy,” they also admitted that they’ve never seen her so happy as she is now, clad in her Forever 21 suit jacket and the Nike running shorts she’s had since 6th grade.”
“I can’t believe she still has those,” Paige’s sister told reporters. “I’m pretty sure those were part of our school-issued cross country uniform that we were supposed to return at the end of the year. But, hey, if she’s happy, I’m happy. Well, not happy, per se, but, like, I’m not going to stop her or anything.”
All Paige had to say in response was, “Why did I ever stop wearing those little wedge booties? They make my feet look like horse hooves!”
Okay!
As of press time, Paige had pulled up a photo of a trendy funnel-neck jacket, scoffed, pulled on what appeared to be a cropped trench coat, and strode into the night.
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