“Is that a foot long?”: Restaurant staffers are sharing the dumbest things customer have said to them

Restaurant workers know the art of the poker face—especially when a customer hits them with a no-brainer question or bizarre statement that they have to respond to with a straight face. But some remarks are so wild that restaurant workers on Reddit say they had a hard time keeping it together.

1. “Tastes like espresso with hot water…”

“They complained that their americano tasted like espresso topped up with hot water. Their date looked at them with a dumbfounded expression.” —u/MultipleHipFlasks

2. “Where’s the whale cheese?”

“A teenager came by asking about the cheddar we had. I went through the usual ramble and concluded it with my favorite, which was an aged Welsh Cheddar. I said to the kid, “And this is our Welsh cheddar,” and gave him a small sample. He goes ‘wait what’s Welsh cheddar, where does it come from?’ I explained it’s from Wales.

A few minutes later, a man came up to my counter, immediately demanding to know where the WHALE cheese was. He was absolutely insistent that we had cheese from WHALES. I realized this was the dad.” —u/sscheiby95

3. “She thought it was ketchup.”

“Not a waitress, but I was at a Korean restaurant and another customer ordered bibimbap. And it came with the gochujang sauce. Instead of asking or tasting what it was, she emptied the entire bottle. And of course, it was too spicy for her to eat.

She demanded a completely new dish. The waiter asked why she dumped the entire bottle into her dish. She said she thought it was ketchup… at a Korean restaurant. The waiter just looked at her, sighed, and got her a new one.” —u/Appropriate_Sky_6571

4. “She’s appalled that there’s beef in her soup.”

“I had a woman request that I pick the beef out of vegetable beef soup because she’s a vegetarian. I said no, and she started grilling me about exactly how much beef was in the soup. Ordered it anyway. Soup comes out and she’s appalled that there’s beef in her soup.” —u/Guineacabra

5. “That’s why I ordered delivery.”

“My anecdote is similar, but it involves a tornado warning. My boss instructed me to call delivery customers and offer three options: pick it up themselves, wait until the warning expired for later delivery, or cancel the order.

Most people understood due to the weather, but this one guy pressed, “Why can’t you deliver?” I said, ‘Sir, we’re under a tornado warning.’ His response, ‘Yeah, that’s why I ordered delivery.’ He could fathom that he’d be putting himself in danger, but he thinks delivery drivers are immune to tornadoes?” —u/AvondaleDairy

6. “Asked me where the popcorn was.”

“A customer ordered popcorn shrimp for her daughter. Asked me where the popcorn was!” —u/Berly915

7. “Are you still located where you used to be?”

“My manager answered the phone one day to a lady who asked, ‘Are you still located where you used to be?’ He asked where she thinks we used to be, and she got mad and hung up. Ma’am, we can’t read your mind to help you.” —u/StephaSophie

8. “Could all the ingredients be made into a sandwich?”

“Someone ordered off the sushi menu, said they didn’t like sushi, so could all the ingredients in the roll be made into a sandwich. Later this became a phrase we used there…that is as [expletive] up as a sushi sandwich.” —u/champsdear

9. “What’s the difference between a 6-oz and an 8-oz sirloin?”

“Had a customer ask me what the difference was between a 6oz and an 8oz sirloin? I told them one was bigger than the other. And then they say, ‘No, no, what do they look like compared to each other?’” —u/jamjam1128

10. “Yes, but you have eggs.”

“Burger place. Had a person try to order an omelette. I told them we don’t serve omelettes. ‘Yes, but you have eggs….because you have an egg on your breakfast burger….’ and tried to order an omelette again lol. People are weird.” —u/DowntownResident993

11. “I’m not walking all the way over there.”

“A customer once asked me where the bathroom was, and I pointed to it. It was on the other side of the store. And he said ‘nevermind I’m not walking all the way over there, I’ll just go home.’ I was so confused lmao.” —u/thenewguy20256

“I used to work at a pizza place that sold 16-inch sub,s and the amount of times I was asked ‘is that a foot long’ or ‘how big is 16 inches’ is astounding.” —u/BasicBiome

13. “They ordered the seafood tower.”

“My fiancé works at an English pu,b and he sent me a pic of a ticket where someone ordered the seafood towe,r but they had a shellfish allergy.” —u/PartyyLemons

14. “They complained they were spicy.”

“Had someone order Spicy Chicken Bites and then complain they were spicy.” —u/ShhhhSleeping

15. “She then proceeded to chug down half a bottle of Merlot.”

“A couple and their approximately 8-9-year-old son. The mother tells me she can’t eat anything red colored. (Huh?) She then went on to explain she was breastfeeding her son (WTF) and red colored food affected her breast milk. She then proceeded to chug down half a bottle of Merlot.” —u/Habitualflagellant14

16. “Do you sell burgers here?”

“Do you sell Burgers here? What kind of burgers do you have?? ( We are in McDonald’s).” —u/Zxkina

17. “I don’t eat fish.”

“I once served a lady in a cafe I worked in. After greeting her, I suggested the Thai fish cakes. I said they were very good. She responded with ‘no thanks, I don’t eat fish. I’ll have a baked potato with Tuna, please.’ Like seriously ?” —u/jolovesmustard

18. “I didn’t know what the numbers meant.”

“A recent one I got was that a guest was upset that they were being charged for a side with their meal. I grabbed the menu and showed them that the side is in fact 2.99 and not free. She claimed, ‘i didnt know what the numbers meant, so im not paying’ like seriously? That’s fine, save your 2.99, and never eat with us again lol.” —u/Hammeredjarl