Man Returning From Near-Death Experience Recalls Angels Making Him Sign NDA

HOUSTON—Recounting the deeply spiritual event as one that was life-changing but contractually difficult to articulate, area man Kyle Hartsfield recalled angels asking him to sign a nondisclosure agreement following a near-death experience, sources confirmed Thursday. “It was incredible, and I really wish I could talk about it,” said Hartsfield, describing the series of events in which he lost consciousness only to be awoken by an angel stoically sliding a stack of legal papers across a desk for him to sign. “I saw a blinding white light, I felt a warm glow envelop my body, and I can’t legally say more than that at this time. Heaven was beautiful, though. Somehow I felt both outside my body yet very calm—but I shouldn’t even be telling you that. I remember seeing a vision of St. Peter leaning down to whisper in my ear that he would destroy me if I ever revealed anything. I wasn’t religious before, but now I definitely believe in NDAs.” At press time, Hartsfield was reportedly able to share the detail that there was beautiful harp music playing in heaven’s lobby.