Meth Lab Straightened Up Ahead Of Landlord’s Visit

MESA, AZ—As he hastily hung a framed picture over some unsightly bullet holes in the wall, local man Clyde Walker told reporters Monday that he was straightening up his meth lab ahead of an anticipated visit from his landlord. “Just doing a bit of cleaning to get the meth kitchen spick-and-span before Gary comes by,” Walker said as he took out a trash bag full of empty Sudafed boxes and plastic tubes, explaining that his landlord was a real stickler about shards of glass from shattered beakers littering the floor. “He’s gonna be all over my ass if I don’t get these burn marks out of the carpet. After that, all I gotta do is put the corrosive lye away and straighten up my lithium batteries, and I should be pretty much set.” When he arrived for his visit, sources confirmed Walker’s landlord was furious to discover a messy explosion that had been caused by his tenant lighting a candle to cover up the smell of anhydrous ammonia.