One Redditor got women talking about the horrific things they put up with for years because they thought it was a normal part of life. Then they grew up, started talking to people, and realized that they don’t have to put up with terrible pain, abuse, or anything at all that makes their everyday life worse.
Featured Video“What’s something you used to think all women just silently put up with until one day you found out it’s actually not normal at all?” the Ask Reddit post reads.
The number of things that women endure because they grew up being told that it was “normal” could fill out a list in the thousands, and indeed, the post gained over 12,000 comments. From severe cramps to casual sexism to the constant demands to do and be everything for everyone, women wear down from years of societal gaslighting and outright lies.
AdvertisementIf your period is ruining your life, see a doctor.
Some things on the list may be “normal” in the sense that they’re common. In 2018, a public survey by the Stop Street Harassment nonprofit found that 81 percent of U.S. women report experiencing sexual harassment at some point in their lives. This may be the norm, but it shouldn’t be, so we’re counting it.
One thing to be learned from these 17 women is to always question what people and societies tell you is “normal.”
1. Bad cramps
“Period pain. Every adult woman would tell me that period pain was normal. Mine were so severe I would cry, throw up, and one time even pass out. Turns out it was endometriosis.”
Advertisement“So much pain is NEVER normal.” —u/Super_Mimetique
2. Sexual assault
“I used to think every woman just quietly accepted being groped at clubs like it was part of the ‘nightlife tax’… until I saw a girl grab a guy’s wrist mid-grope and yell, ‘Try that again, and I’ll break your fingers.’ Queen behavior.” —u/opalnestt
3. Severe PMS
“Thought that being suicidal during the premenstrual period was normal. Turns out, most people don’t suffer from mood swings that extreme. Didn’t find out until my mid-thirties.” —u/HovercraftFullofBees
Advertisement4. Heel pain
“Wearing heels that hurt like hell seriously thought everyone just powered through the pain like it was some unspoken rule… turns out a lot of women just don’t wear them if they’re uncomfortable.” —u/plussizebb09
5. Mandatory painful sex
“I used to think it was normal for sex to hurt. And that I had to let my now ex-husband have sex with me whenever he wanted it, even though it hurt me. I would just put a pillow over my face so he wouldn’t see me grimace in pain.”
Advertisement“I’ve since had a life-saving hysterectomy, and gotten divorced. Sex is actually better when you don’t hurt, and the person is not abusing you for it.” —u/want_chocolate
6. General mistreatment
“Everything is in your head – disrespectful treatment from partners or family, ignored health concerns from healthcare professionals, issues at work. You are a woman and you are overreacting.”
“….and then I realized that my feelings matter.” —u/wtvwillbewilderme
Advertisement7. Getting chewed out for being wrong
“Having to phrase every statement as a question so you didn’t get berated if it turned out to be wrong— or even if it was right, but the other party just assumed it was wrong.” —u/Appalachian-Dyke
8. Professional mistrust
“Never being trusted that the answer we give is the correct one.
Advertisement“This applies mostly to fields commonly considered masculine, like trades, but can be experienced everywhere in every topic. Grinds my gears that people can’t possibly believe a woman has the right answer, so they will ask a man who, yeah, provides the same answer. They believe him, why not me?” —u/ObligatoryAnxiety
9. The eggshell walk
“That it was normal to feel like you constantly have to double-check if you’re ‘too much’ until I realized everyone deserves to just be themselves without walking on eggshells.” —u/Sweet_peach001
10. Verbal abuse
“Being yelled at a lot. Years of therapy and boundary setting is helping me.” —u/silverhalotoucan
Advertisement11. Constant stress
“The first couple decades of my life, I thought it was totally normal that every single day was just stress. All day long, being on edge and scared and screaming and yelling and fighting about every and anything. It wasn’t til my mid to late twenties that I realized life doesn’t have to be that way.” —u/WinterMortician
12. Sexual pressure
“I thought every boyfriend believed they were owed sex and that it was normal for them to use emotional manipulation to get it.” —u/Fez_and_no_Pants
Advertisement13. Unbalanced relationships
“Being with a partner who you love but doesn’t fully love you back. I when my partner and I found each other it made all of the previous relationships seems horrid and toxic.” —u/TheUnderCrab
14. Dealing with sexual predators
“Being leered at, harassed, and followed in public. It started when I was 10 and the adults in my family just laughed it off or called it a compliment. I thought that was just the way it is when you’re a girl.”
Advertisement“When I was around 20, I read a short essay by a trans woman who said that once she started passing, she felt like she was being hunted by predators when she was in public. I thought, ‘Yes! That’s it! That’s what it feels like!’ Then I realized how fucked up that is and how normalizing it was just the adults in my family failing me.” —u/primordialpaunch
15. Faking it
“Lack of orgasms with a partner. I could do it by myself, but never even remotely close with a partner. We are all different and some women don’t, but I thought none of us did. I thought we were all faking it for men.” —u/MN_Hotdish
16. Doing all the things
“Being the ‘default person’ when it comes to a lot of things. I make lunch and dinner each day? Meh, that’s just normal. He makes dinner once? Expects a parade in his honour! ‘Where’s my shirt?’ as if I somehow obviously know the whereabouts of his things (which I usually DO know, because of course I also did the laundry).”
Advertisement“’Make a dentist appointment for me next month’ Who makes my appointments? Oh yeah, it’s also me.” —u/BabaTheBlackSheep
17. Boundary steamrolling
“Putting up with a spouse who not only wouldn’t respect seemingly normal boundaries, but trying to make me feel like I was the one who was wrong for trying to have simple boundaries to begin with. Part of why we’re divorcing now.” —u/PuzzleheadedCost8866
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