Chicagoans are waiting tensely to see whether President Donald Trump will follow through on his threat to deploy the National Guard. The Onion examines the pros and cons of sending troops to the city.
PRO
They get to see where The Good Wife took place
Troops barely go to go anywhere last administration
Sends strong message to anyone who thinks they can just get away with going about their day
City could use more bored people with guns
CON
Fewer troops available to invade Dubuque
Leaves recruitment tables at America’s high school cafeterias unmanned
Brutalizing civilians should be the police department’s job
Projectile sandwiches more hazardous when wet
Justice Department sues Uber for allegedly discriminating against people with disabilities