Redditors share 15 signs someone is quietly planning to leave their relationship

No one wants to be blindsided by a breakup after years in a relationship. Redditors who have gone through just that share the signs they missed—and the signs they were pulling away from their partner—preceding the breakup.

1. They stop arguing

“They stop arguing. Total silence replaces fights they’ve checked out.” —u/Key_Use_676

“I had been planning on leaving my ex for nearly a year. I was quiet. There was no point in arguing. I was already leaving. By the time I left, I couldn’t even manage to cry because I had already mourned that loss. Meanwhile, he was shocked. We hadn’t been ‘arguing’ so he thought we were doing great.” —u/rickrolled_gay_swan

2. Conversations get shorter

“When the conversations get shorter and the silences get louder.” —u/Many-Stress1356

3. The silent treatment

“Frustrations or arguments are met with silence, because they’re so used to it and they realize that it won’t ever end. That’s one of the signs.” —u/RainilyLibrary

4. Their things disappear

“My ex-wife and I had a roommate, and when they found a new place, she started helping them pack their clothes into boxes. A few days before their actual move-out date, I noticed some of her things weren’t around anymore, things I was used to seeing every day. That’s when it hit me, she was quietly packing up her own stuff too. A week later, both the roommate and my wife moved out.” —u/whstlngisnvrenf

“A quiet sign might be them suddenly getting super organized, secretly packing files or clearing out old photos. Or they start ‘working late’ a lot more.” —u/koranovi

5. They take the long way home

“They take longer routes home. Every time.” —u/Admirable-Study560

“And/or stay in their cars for as long as they can when they arrive home.” —u/Ill-Squirrel-9418

6. They don’t talk about their emotions

“Emotional withdrawal/withholding. When a partner ceases all attempts to communicate, connect, comfort, or otherwise relay their emotional state.”—u/Waderriffic

“This happened to me, I noticed he was more distant, more short-tempered, but when attempting to talk about it, he’d say it was nothing or that just stress from work.” —u/fa_storya

“In my past relationships where I felt like I’d said all I could to try and work with the other person to fix the issues, once I realize I can’t keep doing the heavy lifting alone… I also start keeping my thoughts and emotions to myself. It’s grieving a relationship you thought you had/could have and getting yourself ready to leave it.” —u/fookinpikey

“They don’t look you in the eye. Disengagement. Day-to-day stuff they can engage, but nothing deeper than that.” —u/Knute5

8. No sex

“You can’t figure out the last time you had sex or had a romantic moment.” —u/CtrlAltDeleteY0u

“Its sad when it gets to this. Especially if you keep trying to have the intimacy but the effort just seems one sided and you just get rejected over and overfor a long long time. You start wishing you didnt have feelings for the person anymore so you wouldn’t notice this lack of any romance or would stop having the need for it.” —u/cheesy_way_out

9. They buy a new wardobe

“They start buying new clothes but don’t mention where they’re going.” —u/Still_Fee497

10. They seem happier out of nowhere

“I had some friends who were going through a rough patch, it showed. But suddenly they were both a lot happier, and seemed to be doing better. But she had decided to get out and just making the choice made her happier and more willing to invest in herself. And the guy was happy to see his wife exercising more, dressing up more when going out, wearing more makeup, and spending more time with her friends instead of bitching at him. The last year or so of their marriage was their best year.” —u/smellymarmut

11. They hide their phone

“When they suddenly get super secretive with their phone, even though they never cared before.” —u/misscexy

“At my sons little league game, I accidentally folded my wife’s phone up in the collapsible chair. She about body slammed the chair to get her phone back.” —u/saltfish

12. They make solo plans

“They stop giving a damn about anything to do with you. They make future plans that clearly don’t have you in them.” —u/blad02887f

13. They stop doing little things for you

“Small things you’ve done for the person you love gone. He always bought you that soda you like now he suddenly forgets? She used to write you small texts of affection now the phone is silent at work? You don’t care if they call. You don’t care when they take longer hours at work.” —u/empty-atom

14. They change their hair

“If it’s a woman, I’ve noticed that they will make a drastic change to their hairstyle and/or hair length.” —u/floydfan

“Yeah, idk why, but changing the hair makes it easier to disengage. This is definitely something I definitely do.” —u/Creative_Camel_8884

15. They want to open the relationship

“In my case, they said they needed to explore polyamory. In hindsight, big LOL.” —u/Good-Star-5212