The new Aston Martin luxury baby stroller will end your sense of reality

In yet another sign of empire collapse, Aston Martin has partnered with something called egg® to create a high-performance baby stroller. Why anybody thought it would be a good idea to combine the concept of “baby” with careening around a track at breakneck speeds is a mystery, but it’s here.

Aston Martin “in collaboration with egg®”

Aston Martin announced the luxury baby stroller line on Tuesday. Those outside of the filthy rich new parent crowd largely missed the news until brain-melting headlines started spreading on X.

If you haven’t heard of egg® (because you’re not obscenely wealthy), it’s a British brand that sells strollers at upwards £879.00, if you’re buying the latest model. They promise “enhanced comfort, smart functionality, and all-terrain performance,” in case you need to ride that stroller down a rocky trail like it’s a mountain bike.

Aston Martin, meanwhile, makes luxury sports cars and F1 racers. You can see how the two would naturally be drawn to one another.

“Just as the finest high-performance vehicles are engineered for a smooth and responsive drive, the modern luxury stroller demands control, finesse, and an unwavering commitment to quality,” the press release states.

“The parallels between both worlds are clear – where every detail, from suspension to silhouette, is thoughtfully designed to enhance the experience.”

Sure. The experience of pushing a baby around is just like F1 racing. Makes sense.

The strollers will debut in Cologne on 9/11 (to add to the absurdity, of course) and start at £2,500.

“I miss when the middle class existed”

This is far from the first unnecessary luxury collab to hit the market, especially in this late stage of capitalism, but normal people are having an especially hard time with this one. We think it has something to do with egg®.

Folks like X user @zPirSquared2 just keep repeating the last part of this Dexerto headline. It may have broken them.

Among those managing to make actual jokes are those who think we should go ahead and push this further. Why not?

“If I buy this, can I also get free Aston Martin Power Unit on stroller?” asked @chemabulsayang.

Others simply cannot handle the absurdity of this world any longer.

“I invested in Aston Martin and boom, they released a baby stroller, obviously they were waiting for me,” said @fighting_jon.

User @sainzilton joked that “we got Aston Martin stroller before GTA 6.”

On the other hand, you’ve got those who experienced anger rather than a sense of unreality, typically at how far society has fallen from having any semblance of financial fairness.

“I miss when the middle class existed and wish people had the balls to fight for it so we weren’t headed back to the stupidly rich and poor,” wrote @Drez_4.

“These [expletive] corporate companies need to stop with the baby stroller,” raged @Duccel_Kidd. “Because one, once the kid grows up it is USELESS! Two, Aston Martin! You’ve got other f*cking cars to work instead of a baby stroller! Be fucking creative with your products. You have money!”