Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From

LONDON—Claiming that he recognized the member of the royal family, but his memory was hazy, President Donald Trump has spent his entire trip to the U.K. trying to figure out where he knows Prince Andrew from, sources confirmed Thursday. “Who is that guy? His face seems so familiar,” said Trump, pausing in the middle of shaking hands with various royal dignitaries to get a closer look at the disgraced Duke of York, whose name, as well as the activities they engaged in together, had been eluding him for the past couple days. “Maybe I met him on some boys’ trip? I feel like I’ve seen his penis before. Have we ever gone swimming at the same time? You have a mole right here under your rib cage, right?” At press time, Trump reportedly concluded that the prince, who quickly continued down the halls of Windsor Castle while avoiding all eye contact, must be Stephen Hawking.