Uber Driver Seemingly Watching ‘Titanic’ For First Time

BROOKLINE, MA—Noting that the car swerved erratically every time the gig worker switched between his GPS navigation app and James Cameron’s 1997 film, local man Vick Shah told reporters Monday his Uber driver seemed to be watching Titanic for the first time. “I’m not totally sure, but I think that guy was halfway through Titanic when he picked me up,” said Shah, who added that the driver seemed oddly emotional, refused to speak to his passenger, and swerved dangerously through traffic while watching what appeared to be Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio kissing on his partially obscured iPhone. “I thought for a minute he could have been streaming a podcast or some game show, but then I heard the muffled sound of ‘My Heart Will Go On’ coming from his Bluetooth headset. I swear, when Rose let go, I saw a tear roll down his cheek. He seemed really broken up about it.” Shah reported that he had no choice but to give a rare one-star rating after the Uber driver pulled up Google, typed in “Titanic boobs scene,” and immediately collided at 60 mph with an oncoming vehicle.